Updated: May 9
Love is Something We Do
My husband and I got married 3 1/2 years ago. Our marriage is young and we are babies in the matrimony game, but in our short time together, we’ve learned a few things here and there. One thing marriage has taught me is that I knew NOTHING about love when I got married! Was I in love when I said my vows? Absolutely! I am crazy about my husband!
However, it didn’t take long after the honeymoon to realize that what I knew about love was just the beginning and I would have to take my understanding to a new level or things were going to be quite the crap show (for lack of a better term). I had to learn this one big thing: LOVE IS A VERB. Nouns are just things, objects, words, they come and they go. Verbs are actions. As the saying goes: actions speak louder than words. Keep reading to see what I mean.
After stumbling through the first two years of marriage, I realized tough seasons call for the verb, not the noun. The noun is fun in the beginning. The butterflies, the thrill of learning someone new. That’s necessary and helps move things along. However, after a while, other nouns will begin to drown that one out: stress, jobs, debt, sickness, etc. There is no “feeling” your way through those. I can be in love (noun) but unless I actually love (verb), there won’t be much to keep the relationship together.
Love is an action you have to choose to do.
Think about it. When marriages fall apart or couples break up, what’s the common reason? They claim they aren’t “in love” anymore. They are most likely right, they don’t “feel” how they once felt so they stopped doing what they once did.
All of this to say, what I’ve learned in my short stint as a married woman is that love as a verb is stronger than the noun.
Verb > Noun
A popular verse from First Corinthians, Chapter 13 is : “Love is patient, Love is kind…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…” (Awwww…isn’t that a great Hallmark card?) Notice all of those things are actions. Being patient, kind, and bearing the load is not passive. It takes intention and action. Love DOES! So are you hoping to just “feel” the noun or are you willing to do the verb?
All of this love as a verb stuff is not just for marriage! Apply the verb to every relationship you find yourself in! How are you loving your friends, siblings, parents, cousins, co-workers?
Evaluate the verb in your life. How well do you “do love”? Are you patient with those around you? How much kindness do you show? How do you do when the time comes for you to bear something you may not want to?
None of this sounds glamorous. That’s because it isn’t! There have been plenty of times in my marriage when I did not feel like doing love or showing love. I’d rather be selfish and feel something. Feelings come and go, but actions are dependent upon our CHOICES. Love is about what you do, not how you feel.
Like any action, love is a choice. Choose to do it instead of feel it.